LUCY | “The Not Really” Review

Lucy, in a nutshell, is a movie about a young woman (portrayed here by Scarlett Johansson with the worst nail polish job captured on the silver screen) going to college somewhere in Asia, who gets suckered in to being a mule by a guy she’s only been dating for a week (it was the first time I was seeing this guy and the IMDB page for the movie doesn’t have shit on him…).
Turns out the drugs she is transporting are able to let you use that other 90% of your brain. That’s it in a nutshell. Except that the guys behind this movie wanted you to know that unlocking that 90% gives you super abilities and shit. I walked out of the cinema thinking, “what the hell?”
See, you can’t really be the guy that dissed the Black Widow, but you also can’t go staking your reputation on a recommendation. In the event that you suffer the misfortune of someone holding a gun to your head, here’s what Lucy’s about.
It’s like an animal planet documentary. Except that it really isn’t. There’s animals in their natural habitat and shit, but that’s just to show the audience how intense stuff is without making the writer work for his paycheck.
It’s like the Matrix… except not quite. You know that bit where (SPOILER ALERT) Neo finally ‘gets it’ and suddenly sees the world in code? Well, yeah….
It’s sort of like Star Wars, but no. Not really. It’s just joined countless other movies that have employed telekinesis in a move to show how the star is a bad-ass.
It’s sort of like Limitless…but not exactly. See, Limitless had Bradley Cooper unlocking parts of his brain that made him super smart and shit… wait, in that regard, it’s a LOT like Limitless.
It’s a bit like Breaking Bad in as much as the drug that’s making Lucy TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT is blue in color, but that’s all. It’s also heavily sought and a lot of people die because of it in some way or other. But that’s it.
With all the destruction to public property and the ridiculous body count, it sort of is like a superhero movie…. one I doubt even DC would touch.
It sort of does feel like Scarlett was not too sure she would have a career after the Black Widow gig and picked this up…. but nuh….
It’s a bit like Transformers in as much as…. Well, that would be giving away the ending…. But there are no robots and electronics. Well, there are a couple, but it’s not really Transformers.
It’s sort of like Morgan Freeman was indebted to the studio and had to do this. Though, when you think about it, he did seem sincere in his acting, so maybe the really really good bits were cut out….
It’s sort of like you fell asleep for a second during the opening act of the movie, but after you discuss a bit with a phantom bullet (you’ll know it when you see it), you realise you didn’t nod off, but someone must have in the editing room and cut out an important gunshot.
It’s sort of like Transcendence except that you don’t get the overwhelming urge to go online and check whether your internet speeds have improved over the course of the movie.
It’s sort of like a brainstorm was held and ideas thrown in to a pot and instead of picking one or two and building on them, someone hastily picked all of them and figured, “hey, a cinematic cocktail”.
It’s sort of like a software engineer wanted to show off what his new software could do and found a willing studio to endorse the project. Except that you have probably seen some of the same effects used before so, it’s not like there’s new news here.

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