Ivan Musoke

Who wants to be a millionaire #01

I want to make money. A decent amount, not necessarily be in position to hide 900m at home for whatever reason, but I think money is generally nice. Let’s skip the lecture on how it’s the root of all evil and how it kills. Let’s, instead dwell on the other really important issue. How to make it. You can go it with your 9 to 5 (who am I kidding, it’s probably an 8 -6) and make like you are content, but come on, don’t you want to drive that oh-so-awesome ride? You do and you know it. Let’s examine a few options…

Wise people will tell you that investment is the way to go. What they won’t tell you, is what to invest in…which to be honest is a true testament to their wisdom.  I’ve scoured the internet for all of two minutes and gotten bored so, frankly, I’m going to wing it. Invest in BLOOD.

Wait. Don’t go away. I’m on to something here. The way I see it, there’s a serious need for blood these days. You watch stuff like Ninja Assassin and Spartacus and you can’t help but marvel and think, “Bloody hell, whoever is giving these guys blood must be sitting on a heap of money…” you know what? They probably are. Now you have to be smart about how you go about this business. I think it would make a lot of sense if you posed as a red cross official and you did your thing.

The Red Cross and Blood Bank basically publicise their blood drives and hold them in open areas. This, they figure, screams transparency. The reality; it’s a major inconvenience. Nobody likes a showy person. It makes a lot more sense if the blood was donated in a convenient and private fashion.

Send text messages to people and approach the ones that reply. You don’t want to go taking blood from just anyone, do you? ‘course not. Visit any one of the 4560 sms spam providers and ask them to send a text to everyone in their database saying, “I’m out for blood, holla at me on __________” then you can collect when people contact you. And they will.

Now, you have to remember, some people are a bit shy about these things, so they may mask their trepidation with nasty words. Bear the brunt of their cusses, after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained… or something.

We’ll skip the boring how’s and when’s. For all I care, you can send for it from ‘outside countries’.

Let’s move straight to making your first sell…sale?

You can connive with people in the hospitals to give you a hook up. Short of that you risk becoming the grim reaper incarnate and constantly being on the look out for accidents. That would just be wrong. You don’t want to be the guy in the middle of a traffic jam with a wicked grin and a glint in your eye with thoughts of…well, you get the idea.

Okay, I hear you. Blood is not for everybody. Fine. Let’s go to entertainment.

It’s not enough to go into music these days. You need to offer the market something different. Back in the day it was enough to just have a crazy-ass sounding name, but now, not so much. Sorry  Dripping Lizard, your time is long gone.

What you want to do, failing getting a gig as a back up rapper for klear kut, is come up with your own style. GNL has his Luga-flow, Raba Daba has Luga-Ragga. Now to carve a niche, simply take away from these guys. I’d recommend a style that’s kinda common, but no one has attached a name to it; No-Flow! Just keep mumbling and rumbling and saying stuff like you took a puff, stomp out in a huff, like Charlie in two and a half…men, mayne, see how easy it is to piece this, I’m outta here. Peace!



1 Comment

  1. Perhaps I should go teach Justin Hammer how to hook up a date. The guy has dimes but no game whatsoever! Or, I could go be one of those guys who change tires on F1 cars. Ferrari and Alonso, here I come…

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