Welcome to Uganda III: We Value Fingers
The big news this week was not so much the fact that gays had launched a recruitment drive…hang on, was that this week? And which generation actually felt that this was news? Fine, I thought it was sorta funny that Father Musala had been outed as a homosexual. That’s yet another PAM Award winner who just happens to be affiliated to the church that has had a brush with controversy… Someone later came out and defended him, ‘he is not gay, I asked him for some and he said no! If that is not straight then I don’t know what is. I mean, I am a good looking individual, shit I’d have sex with me!” the undisclosed person said.
Oh, right, I’m not one to point fingers, but turns out our President’s finger has been ill for a while. Oh shit! The war in the North will begin anew. Kony, who has been in hiding in just about every country on the African continent, must be planning a new offensive. “Oh yeah! Hollywood I hope you have your cameras ready, you don’t wanna miss this!”
Seriously, what’s the big deal? Is this the worst thing that can happen? Is that the END GAME? I mean the succession whispers are all over the place, “what if he can’t sign cheques? He will need someone to do that for him?” Cheques? For what, dude done told y’all he broke! “Do you think it will be Mbabazi or Bukenya?” Well, I don’t know about you, but shit, the next president better have all his fingers working. That’s right, as history has proven, we don’t need president’s of sound mind (RE: AMIN), we just need to have their fingers working.
Come next election, we will have Besigye being framed again by another person under his care, “And then he showed me his finger! It was horrible!” Oh man, it’s a sad day when you can’t flip the bird. How annoying is this stuff, I’ll tell you, I feel a tad horrible that I used the word Finger in the title. I probably should have gone with my initial plan and titled it “Welcome to Uganda Ep. III: Finger Edition”.
This will go down as the finger gate scandal. FINGERGATE! I swear, there must be a porn flick with that title. And why isn’t Microsoft word bleeping the word FINGERGATE? Oh, wait, a search on GOOGLE just revealed that the RICHARD-Ofunneka thing was called that (BIG BROTHER AFRICA 2: THE MAUREEN EDITION) and Obama apparently was involved in a scandal titled FINGERGATE. Nice! We are caught between development and perversions! You gotta love Uganda.
We still have street kids going hungry, but let’s dwell on presidential fingers.
What’s that? The roads are messed up, sorry, we are still looking into more pressing issues.
Oh, wait… The newspaper (government pamphlet if you will) reported today that the finger was getting better. Neat, did someone send a ‘get well soon ‘ card?
-heh, because his finger is messed up he is fast loosing his grip on the reins of power