One For The Road

At some point, dear reader, you are going to be a parent. In fact, you may already be one. Whether you are aware of this, is an entirely different matter. Children are very curious er, things. They ask all sorts of questions. One of the most feared questions, according to the world wide web (considering it’s vastness, I really doubt you will challenge me on this one) is where babies come from. Why the hell a kid would concern itself with such issues is beyond me.

When the time comes, and it will, be prepared to tell junior the truth. Do not get shy about it and start talking about how DHL hooked Mummy and Daddy up and refused to leave warranty forms. No, for you see, when Junior grows up and finds out the truth, it shall sicken him/her. It will also reveal that Mummy and Daddy are hypocrites. For you see, mummy and daddy do not want Junior to tell lies, and yet they themselves are liars. Horrible ones at that. I mean, who will believe that there is a shopping mall with only children?

Tell Junior the truth. Tell him/her/it that mummy and daddy had sex. Whether you tell him that it was at the bleachers during the Rugby Game or some corner at a popular hang out joint is entirely up to you. You should then proceed to give junior a copy of the Kamasutra: Infant’s Edition. That’s the one that is not too graphic. It has little stickmen and stick women doing things to each other. You see, dear reader, if you expose Junior to graphic material, he or she will start clamouring for toys more expensive than you are accustomed to. I’d say rare, but I was told that Wandegeya stocks such toys.

Of course Junior will not only be obsessed with Sex. Should you detect signs at an early age that that’s all he is interested in (he always asks you for the HYENA section of your newspaper) then, dear reader, you are so screwed. On the other hand, if he is very inquisitive and has the hallmarks of an alcoholic and he asks you that inevitable question. Then point him to uncle Ivan’s blog, where he will find the answer to that question of the ages, “Where do drinks come from?”

 dew copy

Comments

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17 Comments

  • Miss Cheri Reply November 14, 2008

    MINES!!!!

    Popped

  • The Emrys Reply November 14, 2008

    i knew it, this whole dew business

  • The Emrys Reply November 14, 2008

    wait, is that an age old question, “where do drinks come from??” i thought its “where does beer come from?”

  • Solomon King Reply November 14, 2008

    Sweet template. Edgy.

    Can’t wait to do the dew!

    Me I’ll start telling my kids the temangalo business from day one.

  • Chanel Reply November 14, 2008

    If that drink last past six months on the market, I will through another BHH party with an open bar and free to order whatever you want Lasagne the works. If any of you likes that drink it means you are such a baby. These people have run out of ideas. Who tells them teenage boys and girls will buy stuff that tastes like suga in water when there are bitter drinks to experiment with.

  • tumwijuke Reply November 14, 2008

    You and I are going to make such nice parents. Our kids will be so cute!

    That drink is …!!!!

    Alvaro any day.

  • scotchie Reply November 14, 2008

    and to think I was reading seriously worried about telling my future juniors where the hell they came from…just to end up with Mountain Dew!!

  • Princess Reply November 14, 2008

    The master of the puns does it again. LOL

  • Princess Reply November 14, 2008

    The temp. rocks!

  • Erique Reply November 15, 2008

    Princess missed the socks this time? 😀 sweet. i have a sick friend who keeps tellin kids they were pupud and moulded bit by bit. beat that

  • Emi's Reply November 15, 2008

    Ivan yo so right on this post. I dread being a parent but at least you’ve made it sound like it’s not a completely complicated thing to do

  • Mrs. B2B Reply November 15, 2008

    lol… Kamasutra Infant’s Edition! Only you Ivan. I shall start praying for your children. 😉

  • Princess Reply November 16, 2008

    POST! POST!

  • 31337 [E] Reply November 17, 2008

    wait. mountain dew is a child of those two. i quit, i shall go straight to source. red bull, anyone?

  • Lionel Reply November 17, 2008

    Ivan,
    Kamasutra – Infant’s Edition?
    I am praying for your children. 😆

  • eddsla Reply November 17, 2008

    but Ivan banange, infant’s edition? 😆

    man, temp be tight!!
    when ar u gon hook me up player?

  • Mudamuli Reply November 20, 2008

    Love the advert of the cheetah being chased. First got to know about this drink from here.

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