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I had a Turkish delight this morning. That was on my way to the bathroom…soapy water got into my mouth so what was once rose flavored, became Geisha flavored. Tasted like crap, incase you were wondering.

My pal told me that who you are at 25 is who you will be for the rest of your life. Technically that means I have roughly three months to mould myself into a morally upright citizen…I’m keeping my fetish for girls in white pants till 5 minutes to my birthday.

I am afraid of babies. Not in a clown’s freak me out sort of way, but I wouldn’t want to be left alone with a baby for even five seconds… shit, at all. My sis wonders how I will cope with my own kids… I haven’t planned that far ahead.

The contestants on Tusker’s Project Fame make me want me to throw our TV…at them…I was going to let it slide until the traffic jam they caused made it close to impossible to get a decent meal at Garden City… there’s also the fact that some chic said, “My own very home!” …and most of the contestants seem to have developed accents of questionable origin after going to Nairobi…NAIROBI for crying out loud!

What’s the deal with teletubbies? Why don’t they grow old and wrinkly and die? How come the kid in the sky with a sunny disposition is not aging? Aren’t we filling our kids with false hope?

The fair and lovely lady on telly in that advert says four is her lucky number… haha, mbu 4! The nerve.

My niece believes in shooting stars. After watching Ragga Dee and Bobi Wine engaged in a game of pool at the night club the other night, I think it’s a brilliant idea.

I want my Sony Ericsson to be as deadly as the Nokias in that advert where people are as-if fighting using their phones network waves. Damn you Sony, when will you make my phone a weapon of mass distraction!

Comments

comments

19 Comments

  • 31337 Reply June 16, 2008

    son, i see your wit is back good and strong. welcome back.

  • DeTamble Reply June 17, 2008

    Please, the Teletubbies aren’t still playing in Uganda, are they? You’re just messing, right?

  • Tandra Reply June 17, 2008

    lol… yes they are.. det. and they feature on one too many kindergaten school walls. I guess its their way of “attracting” the natives 🙂

  • Ivan Reply June 17, 2008

    Thank you 31337.

    @Detamble: I wish… all hope is not lost though, I think I’ll order a teletubby costume and jump people in dark alleys… problem with the dark alleys is that I’ll likely find prosititutes saying shit like, “Teddy Bear touch me here…”

    @Tandra: How does that work… “Oh hey, look, a teletubby! I am suddenly drawn to it for no apparent reason, but I’m lovin this!”

  • antipop Reply June 17, 2008

    speaking of telly tubbies, allow me to introduce you to another family that has refused to grow. that i do not want to see grow. the simpsons! what a cool bunch of dimwits!

  • Joshi Reply June 17, 2008

    Ok dude, that ‘Teddy bear touch me here’..wrong..VERY WRONG!!

  • Carlo Reply June 18, 2008

    I thought I was the only one hating on Teletubbies. But for different reasons. I mean, they don’t talk normally. That means your kids watching them will forever talk like 2 year olds who still can’t formulate proper words. What the fudge is that? And no, they’re not cute! Simpsons rule Antipop, Simpsons oyee!

    Man, ‘Teddy Bear touch me here . . .’??!!!

  • Chanel Reply June 18, 2008

    Look at this adults who take time off to watch a show that was not thrown together for their fancy. Its meant for the kids so if you dont like it dont watch it. Why dont you ask your baby sons, daughters, nephews, nieces etc if they actually like teletubbies. Then watch how their faces will glow.

  • Ivan Reply June 18, 2008

    @Antipop; The Griffins from Family Guy are awesome!

    @Joshi & Carlo; I take it you are all questioning whether Teletubbies are in fact teddy bears. I’m not sure either… and yes, prostitutes do “entice” that way…don’t ask!

    @Chanel; First of all, some adults watch em to get rid of their hangovers. Secondly, and probably more important, in as much as their little faces will glow, will they coherently say they do enjoy the damn show? Carlo has a point as far as that goes.

  • Miss Cheri Reply June 18, 2008

    Her own very home…yes please…she don’t wanna be misrepresented, thank u!

    Ivan, I have a friend who went to do a Bachelor’s degree in India and came back with an American accent. U wait for mine.

    Ivan…get that Teletubby costume. Get Tinky Wink and I’ll get Dipsy then we’ll make a good team. Jumping people at Garden city instead of the dark alleys.

    Yes, Det, I know their names.

  • Ok its not fair Ivan…its 12.20 am and i am officially supposed to be sleeping and here i am imaginin “your prostitutes” asking for a teddy bear touch…that line was a stroke of genius!
    Oh and ditto for family guy…been watching each and every episode online since season 1, started sometime in march…am now on season 5…there are loads of websites where you can watch free, just google search, watch family guy…hope you can find good fast internet though…damn that slow ass internet in ug….

  • Ivan Reply June 19, 2008

    @ (oli) Miss : Going by a recent post at yours, the accent you’re developing is not “easy”. And anyone that knows Teletubbies’ names at a certain age will be treated as a spy and his or her intentions or motives thereof will be brought into question. Upon examining said motives, said individual with motives of questionable nature shall be judged by a jury of her peers who do NOT have any affiliation whatsoever to furry creatures with TV sets embedded within their tummies! You have been warned.

    @ Esquire: Welcome back dude. Hang on, “my prostitutes”… dude I do not get down like that. I swear. I have 6 episodes of Family Guy on me, you shoulda asked for em when you were here.

  • antipop Reply June 19, 2008

    whaaaaaaaaaaat? i thought family guy was mine alone? i love love it. damn you ivan, now i hav to find something else to own alone.

  • Kenyanchick Reply June 19, 2008

    Heh heh.

    You’re mad.

    Especially for trying to watch Teletubbies without a strong dose of methamphetamines in your system. When you’re high, they reveal the secrets of the universe.

    Or so I’ve been told.

  • Baz Reply June 19, 2008

    LolCheri, can I come and play also? Can I be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

    @ Chanel, how will he ask the kids? He is scared of them.

  • Ivan Reply June 19, 2008

    @Antipop; God said that we share ;o)

    @Kenyanchick; They do… I intend to binge drink, watch Teletubbies and try to figure out why Cynthia is still on Idols…

    @Baz; Dude, you can fluke gigs also. Will hook you up with a Master Splinter costume, howzat?

  • Lesi Reply June 19, 2008

    For guys who are supposed to be cool, everyone sounds so totally uncool … raging about of all things teletubbies!!

    The “teddy bear, touch…” was awesome!!!! Where do you come up with such thoughts from Ivan? I am sorely tempted to dissect your brain!!!

    Still waiting for Dorothy & co.

  • Ivan Reply June 21, 2008

    @Lesi; They are there, they should be dissed!

    @Esquire; I meant six seasons.

  • wetworker Reply June 23, 2008

    Hey Ivan this is regarding the post you made on zuneinsider.com
    to see the zuneoriginals site outside of canada and the Us. use Ultrasurf it hides your IP and Region.

    http://www.ultrareach.com/company/download.htm

    UltraSurf is the flagship software product from UltraReach Internet Corp. for Internet anti-censorship. It enables users inside countries with heavy Internet censorship to visit any public web sites in the world safely and freely.

    or check out my youtube page. http://www.youtube.com/zunecardstv
    i made a screen cast of the previous originals site, b4 the canadian launch.
    i will post it later on tonight. good luck.

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