Random Instance Of Thought _ soccer!

It’s come to this; I am going to find a soccer team to support. Everyone seems to be into soccer. I tried to console someone over her team’s loss saying, “You need to remember, that stuff doesn’t happen in real life.” The silly team went on to equalize in the 95th minute, but now we are not talking.

I figure I need a reason to justify my highs and my lows. I can’t keep being happy and grouchy “just for just”. That would just be weird.

The way I see it, I can be pissed off and miserable (yes. You can do both these things at the same time…with close to little or no practice) and if anyone asks me about it, I’ll say my team lost. We can’t rule out the possibility that I may be in a foul mood even after a stunning performance from team X. So stunning, in fact the pope and queen came down to watch them and fought over who should shake hands with the players after the game. (brrrr, nasty mental picture!) In which case, I will assume a self-righteous stance and say something like, “I hate how showy my team has gotten! What happened to playing for the love of the game?”

When I am on my natural high, even on a Monday, I can claim to be celebrating my team’s “awesome”. (the word is surrounded by “” , clearly I know it can’t be right.)

I haven’t figured out which team to support, but I am slowly leaning toward Chelsea. Express FC and SC Villa just bore me. And they don’t have the backing of a wealthy Russian. Shit, dude can buy the moon!

Back then I was all for supporting the underdog, but when you think about it, it as for all the wrong reasons. I’ll tell you why. I hated going to bars and stuff and being the guy that still had a full drink or a glass in one piece everytime a team scored. So I came up with a brilliant strategy, I’d support the “other” team. It was particularly messed up during games with the top dawgz (my word processor is bitchin over the spelling of that word, how does Cheri get away with these things?) coz then I’d feel like a total sell-out.

I haven’t figured out whose name I am going to get on my Jersey. Come on, you must have seen this coming from a mile away. Who doesn’t wear these things? In any case, that’s something you can wear anywhere… even weddings. I have considered getting a jersey with the coach’s name across the back coz he makes me laugh. He probably shouldn’t, but come on, dude looks like The Count from Sesame Street. Hell, he looks like any vampire. Everytime he bares his fangs in glee whenever his boys score, I am delighted.

The only foreseeable problem here is holding onto the Jersey knowing full well that The Count’s manager may tire of buying planets and decide to give him the sack.

We also have to consider an important truth. I am not growing any younger. The list of natural causes is fast running out. I have cut down on my drinking. Seriously. I don’t smoke. (I know what you’re thinking, shut up! THAT is NOT smoking!) I seem to have picked up a fear of experimenting with drugs. Partly due to the fact that Raymond told me Ecstasy leaves holes in your brain. Big, Nasty holes with no clearly defined shape. Just the thought makes me gag.

I realize there are other drugs that don’t need Techno music and mood lighting… (come to think of it, other drugs come with their own music and mood lighting. Ecstasy, you’re a freeloading wuss!) But nuh, I think I’ll pass.

The junk food in Uganda will not leave a layer of fat around my heart. If it does, I think we Ugandans are built to fight that. Our hearts must be lookin’ at that stuff and screaming, “What the **** do you think you’re doing here?”. In the western world, hearts be sayin, “Why hello there, make yourself at home. There’s room in here for the both of us. Care for an artery?” A few months later, the heart realizes its mistake. The fat is that guest that overstayed his/her welcome.

ANYWAY, by getting into soccer, I open myself up to a heart attack or some “accident” during a bar brawl.





  • Tandra Reply April 23, 2008


    kati innocent, that bar brawl thingy sounds interesting… share?

  • tumwijuke Reply April 24, 2008

    The problem with football is that it is not intellectually stimulating at all.

    At least that’s my reason for not going all native about people kicking around a ball for over one hour.

    That said, I supported Idudi FC until it was relegated five years ago. Right now, Ediofe is ‘my team’ for no other reason than it has an interesting name.

  • The 27th Comrade Reply April 24, 2008

    I don’t like soccer. Indeed, I probably hate soccer.
    That said, Arua Garage has an ass-kickin’ name, and I’d support them. 🙂

  • Peace Reply April 24, 2008

    I only love soccer if it is World Cup or Africa Cup of Nations. I only love Man U bse a guy I once had a crush on loved it. And then it turns out the guys I go out with love Man U. Don’t know how it happens.

  • duksey Reply April 24, 2008

    What again? Soccer? I’m out of this blog

  • Mr. Back2Basics... Reply April 24, 2008

    This is a major first
    You chatting about soccer…

  • antipop Reply April 26, 2008

    i say go for manU. 1. It has a gay name. manunited.
    2.the owners are also pretty rich
    3.red jerseys kick ass. you stand out more.
    4. i love manu.

  • Ivan Reply April 26, 2008

    @Tandra: Pick a team and we go look for one.

    @Tumwi: But can Ediofe’s owner buy a country?

    @27th: I’m going out on a limb, but something tells me they do not have kick ass jerseys I can rock in public.

    @Peace: Its called Fate, and its going to keep following you around…UNLESS you choose Chelsea.

    @Duksey: I’ve ha-had

    @B2B: Its as random as they get.

    @Antipop: gayer than ARSE N ALL?

  • baz Reply April 28, 2008

    Two words: NBA is cool. I mean four words.

  • lulu Reply April 30, 2008

    i thought i was the nly one that felt that way about football! big men, harassing a ball coz they never got a chance to bully somebody when they were younger…okay…my imagination… too

  • Miss Cheri Reply May 2, 2008

    What, football is stimulating…at least it works the pelvic areas….seeing all those men run up and down is hot. They have those muscly thighs and the clenched butts.

    Like Ivan.

  • deathpoem Reply May 6, 2008

    you want a team with rich owners and under dog status? I have got just the team for you.

    Queens Park Rangers

    3 of the club’s new owners are faboulusly wealthy. The brokest of the lot is Flavio Briatore who owns the renault formula 1 racing team, the other chap is Ecclestone who owns the whole of formla 1 and the 3rd chap is Lakshmi Mittal who seemingly owns the whole of Uk, he has got the kind of money abrahomovic would suspend his principles for.
    wait, it gets better. Claudia schiffer is also rumoured to be a minority share holder. Imagine rocking a claudia schiffer jersey. And they wear stripes which, I am sure the fashonista in you knows are very slimming. (I assumed since you are not watching supersport, you are watching E or something)


  • Miss Cheri Reply May 6, 2008


    Even Mittal, and Bernie Ecclestone???

    QPR dude are hot oo…just googled…there is this one dating Jamelia.. NICE!

  • Miss Cheri Reply May 6, 2008


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