Forgive me father for I have sinned,
I have sinned against you and my fellow man. I took a life and quite possibly have set the wheels in motion for another to be taken.
By association, Father, I have taken two lives. I know it would be asking too much seeking forgiveness, but you are just and forgiving. You are forgiveness itself. And yet, I come before you not for forgiveness, but to state my case. To explain. You are all seeing, so I suppose you saw what happened.
You gave us free will, so it only makes sense that I did what I did. You saw this coming, Proverbs 6:34 proves it, Solomon clearly stated that â€œfor jealousy arouses a husband’s fury,
and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.â€. Then again, when you think about it, I showed some mercy. I could have let her suffer, you know she deserved to suffer, not what after she did to me… what they did to me.
The gas put them out. Put them out real good. I am not pleased with what I had to do or by my work, but all things considered, I wasnâ€™t cold.
Of course there was that moment when I slipped, when her eyes opened, when she tried to push my hands away. But Iâ€™d already started. Allowing her to live in that state would have been inhumane. Father you know this.
Itâ€™s like in Deuteronomy 32:41. You know, where it says, â€œwhen I sharpen my flashing sword and my hand grasps it in judgment, I will take vengeance on my adversaries and repay those who hate me.â€ She hated me Lord. Why else would she hurt me like that? In all fairness, I didnâ€™t use a sword. It is not like the idea didnâ€™t cross my mind. It did. Loads of times. I played out the whole scene. Too messy, I thought. In any case, that would be overkill, so I improvised.
When I think of it, I think you wanted me to do it. I think you wanted me to put a stop to it. Did you?
Is that why you made me drive to the hardware shop? I found it odd that a traffic jam had materialized out of nowhere and I had to use that shortcut.
Should I be seeking forgiveness or thanking you Father?
For bestowing upon me this…this responsibility.
I donâ€™t want to second guess you Father, but given that I managed to come this far, this means you love me, doesnâ€™t it? That you are actually looking out for me?
Itâ€™s all become clear. Your will is being done through me. I am your hand, your emissary.
Is this not what I have been seeking, been asking for? I have knocked, and the door has been opened unto me.
Father, I understand now. You wanted me to do what I did. But no one else is worthy. Worthy to carry out your work. And that is why I can not let them take Albert to jail. Its up to me, isnâ€™t it Father?
To bring your judgment upon him.
I know what I must do, I must save him, that I may bring salvation to him.