The thing about sales…

Was once asked about my thoughts on marketing. If I recall correctly, my response was you’ve either got it or you don’t… you can sell a burger to a vegetarian, or you can’t.

Last night I took a stroll through what many have come to call our equivalent of a Red Light District. Its got the requisite Anatomical Sales Associates (prostitutes) and pimps. On Mondays, however they are a little harder to find. Not that I’d go out of my way to look for ‘em . I took this walk to ease my troubled mind.

Was with my pals when we chanced upon an open GTV sales point. For those new to the whole phenom that is GTV, allow me to elucidate. Television has evolved. Gone are the days where we would wait for that one hour to watch a comedy. With subscription TV services we can watch that comedy every 4 hours. No more shall we have to wait for the following day’s newspapers to find who played what in which game, satellite TV is the shizzy my nizzy…and then there’s GTV.

Surely by now, you’re picking up on my reluctance to be suckered into the PR machine that has been threatening to unseat the king of Digital Satellite Tv, DSTV…odd, there’s a certain lack of creativity as far as the naming process goes back there. How the hell do you market it on the basis of a name?

Speaking of marketing, we walk into the sales point and there’s this dude that doesn’t seem all too pleased to be there. Which is odd, considering that in the developed world people work well past 8pm.
So begins the line of questioning,

Us: What does GTV stand for anyhow?

Him: What do you think?

{I think you’re just being unfriendly, but anyway}

Us: Graduated TV? Guess TV? Great Scott! That’s Television!!

Him: You’re fun-eh!

{no shit?}

Him: It is Gateway Television.

Us: Okay, so why should we move to GTV?

Him: Eh…first of all, DSTV has lost most of its channels?

Us: Really? Like which one?

Him: You find out

{that’s what we’re trying to do Einstein}

Us: Okay, so you have like five channels

Him: No, we have ten, and DSTV has 20…but we are getting some more.

{okay. At this point I feel obliged, somewhat, to remind you that his initial pitch was that we should make the switch because DSTV has lost most of its channels… anyway…}

Us: so how much is a G-coder?

{geddit? Instead of Decoder? No? he didn’t either, so… he tells us how much, but we still need to know…}

Us: How soon will you have new channels?

Him: Sooner than soonest can be soon…

Ladies and Gentlemen, I rest my case. You either got it, or you don’t. Hey!




  • Baz Reply July 3, 2007

    F to the izzo… “I can sell ice in the winter, I can sell fire in hell/ I am a hustla baby, I can sell water to a well!”

    I know I know. You hate Jay-Z.

  • Baz Reply July 3, 2007

    F to the izzo as in F to the izzo rsties. By the way.

    Though I have also hahad those GTV guys and their marketing. All this time, hype and exposure and customers STILL don’t know what channels GTV has to sell?

    What’s up with that?

    Do they have ESPN? I don’t want to miss NBA next season.

    All of this would have been one comment, Ivan. I just hit submit by accident in my firsties haste.

  • magoola Reply July 3, 2007

    Since the advent of a veggie burger, I believe it got easier to sell burgers to vegetarians.

    GTV can as well call itself DSTV legally. I mean they offer digital TV services via satellite so they offer digital satellite tv(DSTV)

    But that sales dude is just raw.MUBISSI.

  • The 27th Comrade Reply July 4, 2007


    It rocked. Funny. Only I’m not getting sucked into the TV madness yet. No, no, no.

    TV is the Anti-Christ!!! 😮

    What other excuse can I give? You want I to say I’m broke? Cummon. That’s supposed to be a secret.

  • magintu Reply July 4, 2007

    Man, those GTV guys lost it from the word go. Their first press release, they were advertising their fantastic sports station. Mbu G-Sport. I ha-had them.

    Still am.

  • queenb Reply July 5, 2007

    you actually had the time to listen to that trush?? still trying to look for a person who has bought it but havnt seen any,may be we should blame it on thier sales department.

  • esquire Reply July 7, 2007

    Ok i am not sure what GTV is, but Ivan this cracked me up and i get the complete picture but well i cant deny Magintu the ultimate comment: G-Sport, that has got me bowling in laughter… And i do agree with you, you either got it or not…training and all that Zilch just helps to enhance the “already got it”

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