Iâ€™d like to state for the record that I am not working….or employed…or whatever. The plus side is that my current state has given me some time to think.
Most of the thoughts, Iâ€™m sure youâ€™ll relate, pertain to making money. I havenâ€™t been this innovative since that time when I decided I wanted to be the singer called Voracious Reptile. Speaking of, Clever J (of the manzi wa nani fame) kind of put an end to that idea.
So, I have wondered what options are open to me. How do I make a name for myself. How do I get to trot the globe and what not? I will become an evangelist. As I await anointing I have a couple of niche areas Iâ€™m looking at.
There are two ways I could play this. One of them entails me preaching to all boda boda riders, yeah, all 15 of them and then hoping Iâ€™ve done my part. The alternative, and I think this is the way to go, involves me being the rider and ministering to my passenger(s). The way I see it, my routine will go something to this effect;
Me: Boss, are you going? Chief? Manager? Baby?
She: Yes, how much?
Me: We will talk, you donâ€™t worry…
During the course of the ride…
Me: Madam, you…
She: Call me Baby.
Me : Baby, you donâ€™t have to pay, all I want from you is acceptance that you will take Jesus as your Lord and saviour.
She: Who? You want me to be saved? Shya! You take my money and my phone number, you are insulting me…eh eh, why are you swerving like that on a smooth road, why are you jerking around like that, there are no humps. OH MY GAWD!
An innocent by-stander:
As people keep walking past a spot I go into a sob story with a moral at the end and ask them to accept Jesus.
â€œIf only…oh man, if only. Hey, stop walking away from me…what do you mean you know me. I did what? When? I have never been a boda boda rider…it was..ah okay you go.â€
â€œYou, yes you. Donâ€™t you sometimes wish life was fair to you? Iâ€™m not saying thereâ€™s anything wrong, but I mean, look. Youâ€™re walking. Wouldnâ€™t you rather be driving? Yes? Okay now give me like 20,000 and I will hook you up with a visa to heaven. Now, you place your hand on any car you want and it will be yours to…hey, not the moving vehicles…â€
Might be a success
Pretty simple really. As the taxi sets off, issue threats. It may be construed as vehicular terrorism, but what do they know, right?
Me: I want you to love Jesus.
Passenger: I already love Jesus.
Me: Eh? Okay, now I want you to pay me because you love Jesus.
Passenger : Huh? That doesnâ€™t even make sense.
Me: Pay me or else I will embrace you…whatâ€™s that? 1,000. I get more for just sitting on people.
Passenger : Okay here is 20,000.
Thatâ€™s better…now your fare?
To Be Continued