Ivan Musoke

Boda-Line Crazy

cRick HERE!

First, head here to better acquaint yourself with the term BODA. No, wait; your connection might be as pathetic as mine, so I’ll tell ya.

Boda-Boda; A motorbike…or the crazy dude that rides the said bike. Yes, they have come to accept that ours will never be a long-term-relationship so names will play no part in the present or not so distant future. In the unlikely event that they do in fact turn up in your life for a second or subsequent time, they will refer to you as; Chief, Boss, Sister, Master, Customer or Ernest.

The boda dude is a shy creature when he decides to be. He will not demand that you pay him his dues, but rather will let you disembark and then turn away in that incredibly infuriating manner that will make you want to yank HIS HELMET OFF HIS HEAD AND HIT HIM WITH IT AS YOU SCREAM, “TAKE YOUR MONEY AND RUN HOMIE! I WILL NOT BE SEEN CONSORTING WITH YOU! BE GONE, HOMIE!”

From time to time boda guys may be in the profession because they failed to make it in others…nay, scratch that, its because their desired professions are not available. Jobs like Stunt Rider or Crazy Dude On Bike are in short supply and as such the individual has to make do with what’s available and then proceed through Traffic trying to be like Trinity from The Matrix Reloaded. Given that this dude is nothing AT ALL like Trinity, this scenario can only end in one of two ways;

a) You fall, roll a couple of times and as you bleed profusely and realize that the reason you can not feel your fingers is because they are broken, the boda boda guy comes over, unscathed (this guy has a knack for survival, how he does it is beyond me) and says, “Sorry chief, but you should have held onto me…”
Words unsaid;

By the boda boda dude;
i) ….as a new ability manifested itself in me and enabled me to fly to safety
ii) … as I pressed this button that makes the seat spring upwards in a very non-threatening fashion and ensures I land safely

By you;
i) F**K YOU!!!
ii) Don’t worry about it my good man. I do enjoy a good tumble now and again

b) You in fact get to your destination safely with a couple of hairs standing at end contemplating leaving you for good. Then the boda boda guy looks at you, smiles and says, “You know what I like about you…you do not fear SPEED!
…yeah, sure, I love speed, that dark patch on my pants, yeah it’s the way they get. Its part of the new Marks & Spencer line; its called Pissed Off. Catchy ain’t it?

The boda boda guy gets lonely once in a while and will employ a remarkable technic to get himself some. He will start off by politely asking you to hold him around the waist and sing SWEETHEART like you’re Mariah Carey. You will reciprocate by politely asking him to sod off. He will shrug this off and gun (heh) his engine and employ the hic-cup manouver of CLUTCH ME TIGHT-ness wherein he keeps jerking (it sounds bad already doesn’t it) and riding in a move that will have you, well, Clutch him tightly for safety. I could be wrong, maybe its what rocks your boat….some people love chains, trains, oxygen deprivation, heck, even snakes on planes. But not you. You absolutely love boda boda jerks!

Boda-boda guys have no life expectancy, in fact, they expect nothing from life and will end it first chance that they get.




  1. a boda-boda guy coming to talk to you once you’ve fallen off?? from what i’ve seen, niggas speed off and leave the injured sprawled out in the middle of traffic!

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